By Iris Farrou
22 Aug, 2023
Childhood Health, Early Childhood Education, Fatherhood, Mental Health, New Moms, Parenting, Prevention, School, Toddler Health, Young adults & teens
abandonment, adjusting to change, Childhood Trauma, elementary school, faking sick, help my child adjust to school, high school, homesickness, how to help my child feel comfortable at school, issues, middle school, morning anxiety, morning routine, Preparing for school, preschool anxiety, school safety, separation anxiety, stomach aches before school, teachers
With Fall just around the corner, you know that back-to-school– or first-grade–season is upon us! Getting ready for the school year is always an adjustment for families, even more so if your first-born is about to join the first grade. There may be a lot of excitement, as well as nervousness, around the situation. How can you help your child, or children, and the whole family be better prepared for the school year?
Stress and Anxiety
It’s not unusual for first-graders to experience anxiety that takes the form of tummy aches or headaches, especially on Monday mornings or Sunday nights. Sometimes, you may even get a call from the school that your child is feeling unwell. These are not lies, nor are children faking discomfort in order to stay home. They are experiencing discomfort due to the anxiety of being away from home.
- Establish a morning routine that makes your family feel more connected; you can spend some extra snuggle time with your child, especially on Monday mornings, and allow enough time to have a good breakfast as a family.
- Especially in the first few weeks of school, you may want to get there early to cement the goodbye-routine: reassure your child that you are always available during the day if they need you, and remind them that they are safe. Remember that this can feel very daunting for a child, as they are spending a lot of time away from home–which they know as a safe place–and they are surrounded by new people in a new environment.
- Share your own stories from school, and bond over those memories with your child. It will make them feel much more comfortable to hear that their role model was also nervous going to school, or had the same issues as them. Sharing stories and experiences openly will not only enhance your child’s trust towards you, but it will reassure them that what they are feeling is normal.
- Be early for pickup time; your child’s separation anxiety is volatile until they fully adjust to school, and they are really looking forward to seeing you and feeling safe that they are going home. As the school day reaches its end, their expectation and nervousness heighterns: it is of immense importance that they see you waiting for them during pick up time, and are not left wondering or feeling abandoned.
Familiarity and Safe Spaces
Even if your child has attended pre-school, going to grade school is another can of worms… in addition, it is a new school and they don’t know what it looks like or what to expect. How can you help them feel secure about this change?
- Visit the school with them, walk through the campus and be present in this new space where they will be spending a lot of time without you. Trivial as it may sound, it will help your child tremendously to know what their future classroom will be like, where they will be sitting, where the restrooms are, the cafeteria, exit and pickup point, main office, etc.
- Meet the teachers if you can, as essentially they will be the “replacement” caretakers and safe people for your child while they are at school. If you can facilitate building trust and rapport with your child’s teachers before the school year begins, then your child will feel more comfortable in their expectations.
- Talk through the curriculum with your child, and explain what expectations come with grade school. It’s a new structure, so the more you can explain to them what their day will look like, what they will be doing at this new school, and what they will be doing at home as a learner, the better prepared they will be when they hear “homework” is expected to be completed.
As much as we would like to keep our children in a bubble, we all know that this is not possible. However, there is nothing more important than preparing for the school year as a family and validating your child’s anxiety–both before the school year starts and during the school year. Fingers crossed, this new school year will be filled with excitement and happiness! Remember that you and your child are a team in this, and you should always be able to reach out to the school for support if need be.
https://www.wikihow.com/Adjust-to-a-New-School
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/back-to-school-tips-to-help-students-adjust
https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/Help-kids-adjust-school
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By Iris Farrou
18 Aug, 2023
Childhood Health, Early Childhood Education, Fatherhood, Lifestyle Tips, Mental Health, New Moms, Parenting, Toddler Health, Young adults & teens
Abuse, Accident, ACE, Childhood Illness, Childhood Trauma, Children, Community, Divorce, Family Dynamic, Financial Stress, Grieving, Kids, Mental Health, Neglect, Nightmares, Pediatric, Pediatric Mental Health Care, PTSD, Teenager, Toddler Trauma, Trauma, Traumatic Childhood Experiences, Violence, Witness, Witnessing
When we’re getting ready to start a new family, we may find ourselves reflecting on our own childhood experiences, and comparing with our partner how each person grew up– perhaps the goal of this introspection is to create a new family that is healthy, happy, and flourishes with good communication. If you are in the process of family planning, you may want to take into account ACEs: Adverse Childhood Experiences.
What are they?
Adverse Childhood Experiences are traumatic events children experience between the ages of 0-17. These have long lasting effects, may lead to chronic health conditions, and people address them well into adulthood. It is important to remember that ACEs affect a child’s brain, and how they experience the world.
ACEs are quite common, with 60-80% of US adults reporting they have had at least one adverse childhood experience up until age 17, and 1 in 6 US adults saying they’ve had four or more. The most potentially traumatic ACEs can include experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect in the home, neighborhood, or school, witnessing violence in the community or otherwise living in a dangerous environment (war zone, poverty stricken areas, etc.), going through a natural disaster, witnessing serious injuries or the death of another person, losing a loved one or experiencing parental loss due to separation. However, this is by no means an exhaustive list of possible ACEs: any event that may cause trauma and long-term stress can be classified as an adverse childhood experience that adversely affects a person as an adult.
How do I know if my child has had an ACE?
The effects of a traumatic or stressful event may not be immediately visible, or take place soon after the traumatic event has occurred. If your child confides something in you that would be traumatic, then that is a clear indication of an event that would warrant immediate support–with the assistance of a mental health professional who specializes in children or teenagers.
Additionally, if you are going through something as a family, such as a divorce, death, fatal accident or illness, natural disaster, poverty, community violence, unemployment, housing and/or financial insecurity, you may want to address those events as potentially traumatic for your child. We cannot always correct or control life’s adversities, but we can recognize them for what they are and present this as a starting point to healing. If you recognize, as a family, that an event has been traumatic then this shows to your child that it’s ok for things to not be “normal”–that it’s part of life, and that our reactions or daily life will change when something happens.
If there is an event or experience that you do not know about, once your child has had time to process the experience you may start noticing signs of trauma that could include, but are not limited to: difficulty sleeping or having nightmares, wetting the bed, changes to their mood, fear of other people, difficulties in school, avoiding situations, events, or people (these may be directly associated with the traumatic event), as well as difficulty showing affection towards family and friends–especially if this is a change from their usual behavior.
How can we avoid ACEs?
The unfortunate truth is that we cannot completely eliminate ACEs, as much as we may want to. What we can do, however, is raise awareness about them so that we can all start thinking differently about childhood trauma. Historically disadvantaged populations are more susceptible to trauma, but that does not mean that everyone else is excluded. The causes may be societal, historical, natural forces, or people, but each one of us can help lessen the blow of an ACE: whether you are a parent, friend, caregiver, teacher, or neighbor. Raising awareness of ACEs means switching the focus from individual responsibility to community solutions: we can all help prevent ACEs, and help children develop strong coping mechanisms. It is important to reduce the stigma associated with parents who struggle to provide a safe environment for their children, and seek community and/or government support to do so. It is also important to remember that any one of us can promote safe, stable, and nurturing environments where children are present.
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/fastfact.html
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace
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By Iris Farrou
09 May, 2023
Early Childhood Education, Fatherhood, Parenting, Queer Health, Reproductive health, Sexual health, Toddler Health, Women's Health, Young adults & teens
Adolescents, body positivity, Hormone Changes in Children, How to explain sex, How to teach children about sex, Parenting Preteens, Preteen, Safe Sex for Teens, Self-Stimulation, Sex Ed, Sexual Education for Toddlers, Teaching Boundaries, Tween, When should I explain sex, Where do babies come from
If you are parenting a teenager, you are probably thinking of when would be the right time to have “the talk.” Well, the time starts when curiosity strikes in their toddler years! You don’t have to turn back time, but if you are a new parent you may want to start taking notes: it is never too early to start talking to your children about sex education, their bodies, and relationships. Consider sex education a broad subject, and not just an awkward talk about hormone-driven intimate moments.
Sex education includes talking with your children about anatomy, teaching them the proper names for their body parts as soon as they start making associations between items and words, educating them on how to take care of themselves and their bodily functions, and being by their side when they start being able to express their feelings and/or they start to understand themselves in relation to others; relationships and boundaries are also part of sex education.
Early Exploration
It is best to let your toddler set the time for questions regarding anatomy and sex, but you should also be aware of what questions may be opportunities for further discussions. For example, during bath time you can take the opportunity to talk with your child about their anatomy, and which parts of the body are private. Keep your answers short and simple, and age appropriate– if your child seems confused about something, don’t be embarrassed to explain further. You are, after all, the role model: the more maturely you approach the conversation, the more secure your child will feel about your knowledge.
Curiosity
It is not uncommon for toddlers to express their natural curiosity through self-stimulation. If you notice your child engaging with their genitals, it is advised to encourage their curiosity while also reminding them that some acts and areas of the body are private. This self exploration may coincide with curiosity about others, which can lead to uncomfortable social interactions. If your child asks about pregnancy or “where do babies come from” in front of others, it’s ok to take a moment in a social setting to explain some things to them. Should the question have made someone else uncomfortable, take the opportunity to apologize on behalf of your child, and model boundary-respectful behavior for them. It is also normal during this time for children to want to play doctor with their friends, and many families choose to monitor their children’s play time at this stage of their development, or set limits.
New Knowledge
As much as you may try to be open with your child and monitor their knowledge of sex education matters, you should be aware that new knowledge always finds its way to young children. Unfortunately, new knowledge may not always come from reputable sources or be truthful and accurate. If your child asks you a question that seems off, or hasn’t been discussed in your household, the best course of action would be to ask them where they heard that, or try to locate the source of the information. Then, you could ask them to share what they already know about the topic and begin a conversation with them. It is important to let your child know you are comfortable with those questions, knowledgeable on the topics, and that they can trust you with their curiosity.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/in-depth/sex-education/art-20044104
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking
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By Iris Farrou
26 Apr, 2023
Early Childhood Education, Fatherhood, Lifestyle Tips, New Moms, Parenting, Toddler Health, Your baby's health
Autism, Cognitive Abilities and Functions, Early Childhood Development, Genetic Disorder, Infant, Loss of Speech, Neurological Disorders, Overly Agitated, Rett Syndrome, Slow Development, Spectrum Disorder, Toddler
It is possible that you may not even have heard of Rett Syndrome, as it is a very rare disorder that almost exclusively affects females. According to Cleveland Clinic, 1 in every 10,000- 15,000 baby girls is born with Rett Syndrome–very rarely are males affected. In short, Rett syndrome is a genetic neurological disorder that affects the development of the brain and causes a progressive loss of motor skills and language over 4 stages: early onset; rapid deterioration; plateau and late motor deterioration. Most babies born with Rett Syndrome appear to develop normally until 6 months of age, when symptoms start to appear–most pronounced changes take place between 12 and 18 months of age.
What are the Symptoms?
As any new parent, you are likely very closely observing your child’s growth, and keeping a close eye on the development of their mental, linguistic, and motor skills. Know that before a diagnosis for Rett Syndrome is given, other conditions that may resemble its symptoms must be ruled out first.
- One of the first symptoms is being born with an abnormally small head–as the infant grows, there will be delayed growth in other parts of the body as well.
- Loss of movement and coordination abilities is another symptom. At the age when your baby should normally learn how to crawl, walk, or use their hands you may notice a rapid loss of these abilities.
- Loss of linguistic and communication abilities is often seen in children with Rett Syndrome as well. Children impacted by Rett may rapidly lose the ability to speak, or communicate in other ways; this can be accompanied by a loss of interest in their surroundings as well.
Some other symptoms closely resemble more common neurological disorders–like Autism Spectrum Disorder–since children may develop unusual eye and hand movements that are repetitive and seemingly purposeless, may become increasingly and easily irritable and agitated, display intellectual disabilities, or suffer from sleep disturbances.
How is it diagnosed?
As mentioned, since Rett Syndrome can resemble other neurological or genetic disorders, most professionals will approach it by process of elimination. Parents and caregivers play a big role in the diagnosis process as they can keep a detailed record of the child’s development and activities/responses.
If healthcare providers deem it necessary, or parents request it, then a simple blood test is performed to look for the gene mutation MECP2 that has been known to confirm the diagnosis of Rett Syndrome. Unfortunately, this mutation is quite random (and rare) so pre-genetic testing will not show any results. In fact, the chance of passing down Rett Syndrome from a healthy parent to their child is less than 1%. If someone in your family has been diagnosed with Rett Syndrome, you would want to bring this up with your healthcare provider, but Rett is generally not an inherited condition.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/rett-syndrome/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20377233
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/6089-rett-syndrome#diagnosis-and-tests
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By Iris Farrou
17 Mar, 2023
Early Childhood Education, Fatherhood, Lifestyle Tips, New Moms, Parenting, Toddler Health
Cognition, Cognitive Abilities and Functions, Early Childhood Development, Healthy Brain Development, Language Development, PreK, Prekindergarten, Teaching How to Read, Toddler Education
One of the biggest milestones in a toddler’s life is when they first start to use words and display other communication skills, beyond crying. Early language development may look different for each toddler–we do have to remember they are individual people, after all–but here are some key milestones that are expected for each age group:
1 year old: by this time, your toddler should be able to say a handful of words. Of course, this is in addition to babbling, and the key skill of trying to imitate your voice! They are trying to imitate the sounds they hear, and at this age you should be hearing consonants and vowels coming clearly out of your baby’s mouth. You may also notice that they are using hand and body gestures to communicate certain needs or activities, like pointing to their toys for play time or touching their mouth for snacks. This is a normal process of cognitive development, and you can help enhance it by talking to them as much as possible and helping them follow simple directions by associating words with movements, like saying “up” and helping lift them.
2 years old: this is the point where your toddler should have a steady vocabulary they are repeating, and they begin to expand it. You can help them by reading more and more stories to them, or using more advanced language than before. Additionally, they are able to comprehend sentence structure (slowly) and you may see them using two-word sentences and linking words. Building on their conquered skills of body gestures, they are now able to identify objects and body parts and clearly name them. 2 y/os may also exhibit understanding of slightly more abstract concepts, such as using pronouns.
3 years old: your toddler should have advanced to forming simple sentences and speaking clearly by this age. This goes hand in hand with their ability to string multiple words together. You can help expand this skill by repeating their word combinations back to them every time they use them, and model new word combinations to encourage them to try them. Toddlers at this age are also able to use the correct words to identify both objects and needs. Since their cognitive abilities are growing, you will also notice they can follow two part requests like “Please pick up your shoes and put them on the shelf.”
4 years old: this is considered an age when your toddler is turning into a child, so you will see more advanced language patterns emerge– like them creating more complex sentences and annunciating them clearly. Your child should also be able to identify shapes, colors, and letters, especially if those appear on objects they see often. Their ability to understand more abstract concepts will be more advanced, and they start recognizing the concept of time, like moments throughout the day. It is not unlikely that your child can now follow complex requests, and voice their own wants and needs in more complex sentences, or multi-part sentences.
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/language/language-development-milestones-ages-1-to-4/
https://www.teachearlyyears.com/learning-and-development/view/7-ways-to-support-language-development
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