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The arrival of a new baby into the family is a wonderful thing. All family members are excited to welcome the newborn! Since it is a new family member, it is also possible that family dynamics will change and be affected—especially if your older child is about to become the Big Sibling. So, what can you do to ensure introductions go smoothly?

• Share the news, but not too early! Share the news early with family and friends, but remember younger kids or toddlers have a limited sense of time: if you tell them something is going to happen, they expect it in the next moment, and non-specific waiting periods may cause worry and anxiety. Wait as long as you can, and then share the news with your older children by giving them concrete details about the timeline they can understand, like “after the snow melts,” or “when school starts”
• Your older kid may seem “older” to you, especially when a newborn arrives, but their perception of themselves is much different: they are still trying to figure out what their sense of self is, how the world works, and still have baby needs. Remind them that they will always be your first baby and be cautious to still tend to their baby needs even if you see them as older or more independent than the new baby.
• In a similar vein, because your older child may be unsure of their new role as a Big Sibling and possibly feel like more attention is given to the newborn, expect regression. Both toddlers and older children regress, even in toilet manners and sleep disruption. They need you more, so try your best to bring them closer during this time and give them extra cuddles, hugs, and babying them.
• Include them in the baby’s life in tangible ways, placing the attention on them: tell them the baby was waiting for them to get back from school, or allow them to open presents that arrive in the house. Young children like to help, so try and make them your sidekick in taking care of the baby: they can hold a toy for you while you buckle in the baby, or hand you a towel during bath time. These small acts go a long way in a toddler’s world!

And finally, remember that jealousy is normal. There is no doubt that in a healthy family environment your children will become friends, but that is in due time. For the time being, show your older child that there is a balance between the attention you give to the baby and the attention you give to them: remind them of the things you do together, and recognize that negative feelings should be expressed and are not necessarily bad—it’s all part of this new process the whole family is in!

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