By Iris Farrou
14 Sep, 2023
Fatherhood, Lifestyle Tips, New Moms, Postpartum, Pregnancy, Queer Health, Reproductive health, Sexual health, Women's Health
After Giving Birth, Decreased Sex Drive after Pregnancy, hormone changes, Intimacy, Libido, los sex drive, no interest in sex, post pregnancy, postpartum, Postpartum depression, Sex after giving birth, Why is my sex drive gone, will my libido ever return
When we become pregnant, we anticipate changes in our bodies. We may also have worries about how we will look and feel different after giving birth. Many women are concerned about the changes delivery and a newborn baby creates in their intimate relationships– and who wouldn’t worry about such a profound issue? A baby changes everything, bedroom adventures included!
Medical professionals recommend that you allow your body approximately 4-6 weeks to heal after giving birth: if you have had a C-section, the area will need extra care, so sex may prove a little challenging. During delivery, it is also possible you have had a vaginal tear that needs to heal, or have received an incision to enlarge the vaginal opening. Give your body the time it needs to heal; there is no need to rush.
New mothers experience their body differently after giving birth. Some women feel like their libido may never come back, while others find themselves aroused– a lot of hormones and the release of oxytocin make for a variety of responses to sexual desire; any way you feel is completely normal. There is no right or wrong way to feel or not feel sexual desire and no right or wrong way to listen to your body. To ensure your safety, note that the risk for postpartum complications is highest two weeks after giving birth, regardless of the delivery method. You may also have vaginal discharge during this time, vaginal dryness, general discomfort, or even pain. Fatigue, exhaustion, and lack of sleep are also very common and it is understandable that you may have zero interest in sex while trying to recover and care for your newborn baby.
If and when you and your partner decide to have sex make sure you are completely comfortable and not just trying to get things “back to normal.” Couples go through several changes when their baby is born, and nobody is under any obligation to put their health on the line—especially not a new mother. So, when the time is right for you, keep in mind you may experience some pain during vaginal sex.
Since sex after delivery is guaranteed to be different, consider the following as ways to rebuild your intimacy with your partner and be safe:
- Sex is the end point, not the start. Start small, like hand holding or cuddling.
- Be comfortable: you may want to take a painkiller to help your body relax and ease some of the discomfort. You can ask your partner to give you a massage, or take a hot bath together.
- Set time aside to be intimate. You will need time to relax, get in the moment, pay attention to your body, and to reconnect with your partner.
- Discuss alternatives to vaginal intercourse and use this opportunity to experiment with your partner.
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Coming home from the hospital with your newborn can be as exciting as it can be overwhelming! All the months, or even years, of preparing for this moment are coming to fruition, and the family is ready to welcome the newborn. But perhaps as a new mother you are not prepared for the effect that giving your all to your baby may have on you and your body… like most new mothers, you are aware of the possibility of postpartum depression, changes in your intimate life, and all the challenges the come with adjusting to life after giving birth.
These are just some suggestions of what you can do to take care of yourself during the postpartum period:
- Plan something special for yourself. After being overwhelmed and out of your home, as well as going through labor, it can feel very refreshing to have something special waiting for you: a new pair of socks, your favorite ice cream, or a small cosmetic item.
- Enjoy things that remind you of who you are. In the first few days after giving birth, it can feel as if your whole existence is part of your baby, or that you only exist in relation to your newborn. It is important to find small things that help you invest in yourself as a person, so you can continue the personal growth that will allow you to be the best parent you can. Spend a few minutes reading a book or listening to an audiobook or podcast while doing laundry—you deserve a mental break from being a parent!
- Prioritize rest and relaxation. One of the most common challenges of being a new parent is sleep deprivation, and it can make any situation feel much worse than it is. With a newborn, it may not be possible to sleep through the night. However, you can develop the habit of taking naps whenever possible or trying to carve out some time for a relaxing shower.
- Accept help from others. Though you may feel like a super-mom, you don’t need to be! Friends and family, as well as people who love you, are there for you and your baby. Whenever possible, reach out and ask for help with even simple everyday tasks. Someone helping you clean the kitchen or taking out the trash can feel like a tremendous gift when your days and nights are spent taking care of your newborn.
In addition to these postpartum practices, you may want to consider some self-care items that can help your mind and body feel better and heal. This can be a massage oil to help sore muscles, nipple balm to help you with breastfeeding, a weighted blanket to create calming effects and soothe overstimulated nerves, or a sleep mask to help you snooze during the day. You may also want to consider a neck and back massager or a cozy robe. If you can afford it, this would be an optimal time to hire a house cleaning service as well!
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