Change can be difficult at any age, especially for children who cannot fully grasp the impact of something new—no matter the scale. For a young child, spoiled by mom and dad’s undivided love and affection, what could be more uncertain than being told you’re about to have a sibling—a sibling who will require you to share your mommy and daddy and your toys? Don’t fear this conversation with your son or daughter. Instead, approach it as an opportunity to share your excitement for your expanded family with one of the most precious individuals in your life. There are ways to make the news that your child is going to be a big brother or sister one that results in acceptance of the uncertain, and even enthusiasm and excitement.
Since your child’s comprehension, fears, and experiences will be different depending on his or her age, we have broken out our advice by age band.
Ages 1 – 2
Children of this age will not entirely understand what it means to be getting a sibling. What will be most important is for you is to talk about the new baby with excitement, and for your child to hear and feel that positivity from you. Eventually, he or she will associate happiness with their new sibling when the baby arrives. To help with your child’s comprehension, read storybooks together that focus on the arrival of a new baby, and explain that something similar is about to happen to your family.
Ages 2 – 4
At this age, your child’s primary concern will likely be a fear of having to share mom and dad’s time and affection with a new baby. Talk to your child and reassure him or her that you will always be there for love and support, even when the baby arrives. He or she will also need to understand, however, that you will need to spend dedicated time caring for the new baby. Involve your child in the planning process, so that he or she feels that preparing for the new baby is something your family is doing together. Also, be sure to explain that there will be a day or two when you are in the hospital with your new baby. Reassure your child that the separation will only be temporary and that you will be home soon so that you can all meet and greet the new baby as a family.
Ages 5 and Up
Slightly older children will be best able to understand what it means to be getting a sibling, but that doesn’t mean they will be happy about sharing your attention. Keep your child as involved in the planning and preparation process as possible so that he or she continues to feel your affection and attention. If possible, allow your child to see you and the baby at the hospital, and when you return home, give them small, safe responsibilities that will help him or her to develop a sense of pride in being an older sibling.
While preparing your child for a new baby, make sure you take a holistic approach to preparing your family. Make time for self-care, for the needs of your child, your husband, and of course, your newest addition. When everyone feels cared for and supported, they will be able to approach the latest change in your collective lives as a cohesive team, and that will make everyone happy.
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“I can’t be infertile. I already have a child. So, what’s wrong with me?” These words are spoken too frequently by loving women struggling to expand their families. Infertility is a heartbreaking condition that impacts 7.5 million American women. While many associate infertility issues with couples striving to conceive their first child, more than three million women who have already had a child find themselves unable to conceive a second time, leaving them frustrated and uncertain.
If you’re looking to grow your family, but are experiencing difficulties conceiving after your first child, talk to your OBGYN about the possibility that you are experiencing secondary infertility. To prepare for your conversation, read on to learn more about this condition, and its causes.
Secondary Infertility Defined
Secondary infertility occurs when a woman is unable to get pregnant, or carry a pregnancy to full term, after she has had her first child. Your OBGYN may diagnose you as experiencing secondary infertility if:
- You have already given birth without the use of medical support or fertility medications but are then unable to get pregnant again, or you experience recurrent miscarriages, and;
- You are under age 35 and have been trying for one year to get pregnant, or;
- You are age 35 or older and have been trying for six months to get pregnant.
Secondary Infertility Causes
Just like with primary (or first time) infertility, a wide variety of factors in both the male and female partner could be the cause of secondary infertility. In some cases, the underlying cause of a woman’s infertility may have worsened after her first birth. To determine the exact cause of any conception issues you face, speak with your OBGYN. What follows, however, is a list of possible causes.
- Advanced reproductive age, which could lead to poor egg quantity or quality.
- Endometriosis, which occurs when tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus.
- Pelvic adhesions, a condition that makes it difficult for an egg to be picked up by the fallopian tube, and could be caused by endometriosis or prior abdominal scarring.
- Asherman’s syndrome (intrauterine adhesions), which may have developed after a complicated earlier pregnancy, such as one in which a uterine infection occurred that caused the development of adhesions around the fallopian tube.
- Poor sperm quality or quantity, which could be caused by changes in a man’s health, new medications, or excessive weight gain.
- Defective ovulation, which may or may not be caused by excessive weight gain.
- Smoking, by either the male or female partner.
- Pelvic or uterine scarring.
- A blocked fallopian tube(s).
- Irregular menstrual cycles.
- Being underweight.
- Excessive drinking.
Treatment Options
If you fear you may be experiencing secondary infertility, start by speaking with your OBGYN. He/she can prescribe a fertility treatment that will best address your specific complications. In most cases, treatments for secondary infertility are the same as those used to treat primary infertility. Recommended treatments may include assisted reproductive technologies (ART), medications, fertilization procedures, and egg donation.
What’s most important to remember is that you are not to blame for your inability to conceive a second (or third, or fourth) time. Talk to your OBGYN. Together, you can work to identify the cause of your struggles and determine a plan that will help you bring another beautiful life into the world.
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