All Posts tagged ask for help

It’s 3 a.m. You haven’t slept more than three consecutive hours in weeks. You have a pile of laundry that’s long overdue for washing, your spouse is out of town, and now your baby has a fever.

Sometimes, as a parent, it feels like every point of stress converges on you at once, but that doesn’t mean you have to navigate your parental challenges alone. It’s okay to ask for help. In fact, the women who are most successful at balancing family, work, and self, will tell you that the key to their success is a loving and accommodating support network of friends and family—not some unrelenting drive to do it all on their own. If you feel like you’re standing with your baby on the edge of a meltdown with no help in sight, then it’s time to ask for help. Here’s how to say the words out loud.

1. Leverage Your Full Support Network. Resist the assumption that only your parents or best friend will be willing to help. Anyone who has ever had a baby—and even your single friends—will all understand that for the baby’s first few months, you’re on 24/7/365 baby nurturing and caregiving. Ask your family, your spouse’s family, your friends, and even neighbors to help. By leveraging an expanded network, you can avoid feeling like you are a burden to any single family member or friend.
2. Be Specific in Your Requests. When asking someone for help, be specific about what you need. The people who care about you will want to make life easier for you, but they may not know how. Without specifying where you need extra hands, you may end up with more help than you need in one area (think, too many extra prepared meals to enjoy), or days when visits from friends and family turn into social calls only. Ask your sister to come over and help you with the laundry, or ask your best friend to help with your grocery shopping. By being specific in your requests, you can ensure your essential chores are being completed while you bond with your baby.
3. Share Responsibilities with Your Partner. While your partner can’t help with breastfeeding, he or she can help with changing diapers, swaddling, bathing, and rocking, in addition to household chores. Whether your partner is home on paternity leave, or it’s outside of work hours, communicate and collaborate to share as much of the baby caregiving responsibilities as you can. If you need your partner to step up and help out more any time, don’t feel like you can’t ask.
4. Say Yes When Someone Offers to Help. One mistake that too many new mothers make is not accepting help when someone offers out of a feeling that they have to be as capable and self-sufficient as they always have been before being a mom. When a friend or family member says, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help,” use that as an opportunity to ask for what you need. It’s much easier for those who struggle with asking for help to say yes to an offer rather than asking out of the blue.

The first few months of your baby’s life are critical for his or her healthy development, and vital for your healing and bonding time. Don’t let the stress of dusting, mopping, mowing the lawn, and other household chores divert your focus from where it needs to be. By allowing those who care for you to help you, you’ll be a better, more attentive mom, and your loved ones will enjoy knowing that they were there for you when you needed help—just like all the times you’ve been there for them.