By Iris Farrou
14 Sep, 2023
Fatherhood, Lifestyle Tips, New Moms, Postpartum, Pregnancy, Queer Health, Reproductive health, Sexual health, Women's Health
After Giving Birth, Decreased Sex Drive after Pregnancy, hormone changes, Intimacy, Libido, los sex drive, no interest in sex, post pregnancy, postpartum, Postpartum depression, Sex after giving birth, Why is my sex drive gone, will my libido ever return
When we become pregnant, we anticipate changes in our bodies. We may also have worries about how we will look and feel different after giving birth. Many women are concerned about the changes delivery and a newborn baby creates in their intimate relationships– and who wouldn’t worry about such a profound issue? A baby changes everything, bedroom adventures included!
Medical professionals recommend that you allow your body approximately 4-6 weeks to heal after giving birth: if you have had a C-section, the area will need extra care, so sex may prove a little challenging. During delivery, it is also possible you have had a vaginal tear that needs to heal, or have received an incision to enlarge the vaginal opening. Give your body the time it needs to heal; there is no need to rush.
New mothers experience their body differently after giving birth. Some women feel like their libido may never come back, while others find themselves aroused– a lot of hormones and the release of oxytocin make for a variety of responses to sexual desire; any way you feel is completely normal. There is no right or wrong way to feel or not feel sexual desire and no right or wrong way to listen to your body. To ensure your safety, note that the risk for postpartum complications is highest two weeks after giving birth, regardless of the delivery method. You may also have vaginal discharge during this time, vaginal dryness, general discomfort, or even pain. Fatigue, exhaustion, and lack of sleep are also very common and it is understandable that you may have zero interest in sex while trying to recover and care for your newborn baby.
If and when you and your partner decide to have sex make sure you are completely comfortable and not just trying to get things “back to normal.” Couples go through several changes when their baby is born, and nobody is under any obligation to put their health on the line—especially not a new mother. So, when the time is right for you, keep in mind you may experience some pain during vaginal sex.
Since sex after delivery is guaranteed to be different, consider the following as ways to rebuild your intimacy with your partner and be safe:
- Sex is the end point, not the start. Start small, like hand holding or cuddling.
- Be comfortable: you may want to take a painkiller to help your body relax and ease some of the discomfort. You can ask your partner to give you a massage, or take a hot bath together.
- Set time aside to be intimate. You will need time to relax, get in the moment, pay attention to your body, and to reconnect with your partner.
- Discuss alternatives to vaginal intercourse and use this opportunity to experiment with your partner.
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By Iris Farrou
14 Jul, 2023
Fatherhood, New Moms, Parenting, Pregnancy, Queer Health
Accommodations, After Giving Birth, Corporate Policies, Coworkers, Do new fathers have time off work, Extra Bathroom Breaks, Fair Labor Standards Act, Family and Medical Leave Act, FMLA, HR, Maternity Leave, Office Job, Parental Leave, Paternity Leave, Policies, Pregnant and Working, Time Off after Birth, Will I lose my job after having a baby, Workplace
Having a baby is a source of great joy for many families, single parents not excluded; it is also a big change, especially if you are an employed parent who will need accommodations to prepare for the arrival of their child. Talking to your boss or coworkers about it can be a sensitive topic, and many people may feel awkward having this conversation. First things first, it is important to know your federal rights:
- The Family and Medical Leave Act was established in 1993 to provide family and temporary medical leave under circumstances that include the birth and care of a newborn child and the placement of a child for foster care or adoption with an employee.
- Though you will need to check with your employer and meet certain provisions, the FMLA in general provides employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year. During this time, your job is protected and your health benefits should remain active.
- Upon returning to work, you also have the right to request reasonable accommodations for nursing, and other needs you may have as a new mother; the Fair Labor Standards Act protects employees from discrimination or retaliation when they assert their rights in the workspace.
With that in mind, you know you have specific laws on your side! What happens when it comes to private businesses or a work environment you’re not quite sure about? Here are some tips on how to approach your supervisors in a comfortable manner:
- Research your company’s policies on parental leave and rights; if you know you want to start a family before you start working at a specific place, that’s something you can look into early on. Knowledge is power, so you should be informed about HR processes at your workplace.
- Choose who to talk to first; if there is a chain of command, but you don’t feel comfortable approaching a certain person on it, that’s an issue HR can help you with. If you can choose who to talk to and you feel comfortable with that person, set up a meeting with them first.
- It never hurts to follow the buddy system, so consider asking a coworker you trust to be present with you in any conversations regarding parental leave and rights. Two sets of eyes and ears are better than one!
It is undeniable that you will need accommodations in the workplace during your pregnancy, before the parental leave kicks in, and that you will continue to need accommodations after you welcome your new family member.
Accommodations change throughout the duration of your pregnancy, and they differ from person to person. It is very likely that you will need different accommodations throughout your pregnancy, and of course depending on the nature of your job. Some common pregnancy accommodations may include:
- Extra breaks for restroom use, snacks, water, and rest
- Changes to job duties or location to avoid physical harm and/or fatigue
- Schedule changes and excusal from tardiness policies, as well as time for prenatal appointments
No matter the regulations or laws, it is important to remember that your health and the health of your baby and family come first; though you should feel supported by your workplace, it never hurts to know your rights and advocate for what you need.
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